I know why I was so sad, I saw someone who reminded me of my Dad. He has been gone 2 1/2 years now and I still miss him very much. He was someone I could ask those “life” questions of. I didn’t agree with everything he said but he had a life experience and a wisdom that I do not have and I could usually glean something from the advice he gave.
I spend much of my life trying to earn my father’s love and I probably had it all along but I didn’t “feel” it. He said he was proud of me but I was never really sure that he would love me no matter what. So, I was too afraid to test that love, I didn’t openly rebel as most kids did. I rebelled in my own way and a self destructive way (how stupid is that!). I will never have the chance to resolve this question in my mind.
I will choose to rely on God’s love for me. I know He loves me because He proves it all the time. It doesn’t feel the same though, you can’t physically feel His arms around you to protect or comfort you. You can’t always audibly hear His words of wisdom.
In the midst of it all, I can still feel so alone and miss my Dad.
